3 Key Factors for Success

1. Interpersonally competent people are self aware.  They understand themselves, and as a result they understand others.
2. Interpersonally competent people build solid, long lasting mutually beneficial relationships with the people in their lives.
3. Interpersonally competent people are able to resolve conflicts with a minimal amount of problems and upset to relationships.

Self Awareness

It’s important to understand yourself – your likes and dislikes, your strengths and weaknesses – if for no other reason that the more you understand yourself, the easier it is for you to understand others.  The more you understand about yourself, the better able you are to become the person you want to be.  People with little self awareness tend to find life to be a constant struggle, as they continue to make the same mistakes over and over. 

There are many commercially available self awareness instruments.  The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator is one of the best know and most widely used today.  The DISC is another self awareness instrument with which many people are familiar.  All of these instruments are questionnaires designed to increase our self awareness by giving you insight into yourself. 

However, I think the best way to get to understand yourself is through introspection and the feedback of those closest to you.  Self understanding is the key to interpersonal competence.  Without it, you cannot build strong relationships or deal constructively with conflict.

Here are some questions you can ask yourself about yourself in order to understand yourself.

• What makes me happy?  Why?
• What make me sad? Why?
• What kinds of people do I enjoy? Why?
• What do I want from the people around me?
• What do I fear most?
• What causes me to feel happy?
• What causes me to feel sad?
• What causes me to feel angry?
• What causes me to feel frustrated?
• What do I love about my work?
• What do I dislike about my work?
• What am I most proud of about myself?
• What am I least proud of about myself?
• What are my strengths?
• What are my weaknesses?
• What motivates me?
• What stresses me?
• What relaxes me?
• What qualities do I see in others that I would like to see in myself but don’t? Why?

Think about these questions.  Answer them as truthfully as you can.  They will help you can a better understanding of yourself.  Once you understand yourself, you can begin the process of building relationships with other important people in your life.