 Self-help advice for balancing your life. Look to Europe.
I just returned from conducting a weeklong workshop at an estate winery in Tuscany, and practicing the fine art of creative loitering in Paris. Every time I return to the Old World, I am reminded about how the French and Italian cultures are still based on a sense of community, of family, and of civilized cafe and street life. Business and pleasure do mix gracefully. I saw how people of all generations were enjoying life. No one seemed frantic, or complained of not having enough hours in the day. And no one ,absolutely no one, complained about not having a life! Most shopkeepers close around 11 a.m. to return home to have lunch with the family or go down the street to a cafe or brasserie and return at 1 p.m. or later. Lunches are lingering events, and dinners can develop into two- or three-hour conversations. Waiters don't hurry to move you along. In Tuscany, the people are walking, bicycling, stopping to talk. And yet they get a lot done. Unlike the contagious atmosphere of the American professional life, people were clearly working to live, not living to work. A Rutgers University and University of Connecticut "Working Trends" survey reports that: "Balancing work and family is more important to most American workers than any other employment factor, including job security and working conditions. Of those surveyed, 95 percent said they are concerned work takes too much time away from their families; 87 percent said they would like more flexible work hours or days." The pain is deep, yet the driven-for-success attitude of the 1980s and '90s has become so pernicious that all we hear about is stress and dissatisfaction. In our quest for unlimited success and "productivity," we doom ourselves to failure. On your deathbed, will you be whining, "I wish I'd surfed the Net more. I wish I'd made more money. Oh, I wish I'd owned faster cars"? I hope not. I for one have passionately focused my own workaholic tendencies on individual projects, especially deadline-driven assignments. But once accomplished, I kick back, set the cruise control and breathe deeply. And years ago I established the criteria for knowing when enough is enough. Enough money, enough wine in the cellar, enough firewood along the garage wall, enough shirts and mountain bikes. You get it. And fundamentally I have few regrets. I'm not bragging, simply celebrating the fact that we can make a life while making a living, but it may require some exposure to our European cousins to see how you aren't losing time or money by talking to strangers on the street or in shops, or taking a long walk after a long lunch.
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