 Advice on motivating and empowering your child that the world is abundant.
Benjamin Rosamund applies this novel approach to teaching music. He gives all his students an A at the beginning of the semester, requiring only that they attend class faithfully and write him a letter postdated one year into the future, explaining to him in detail what they did to deserve their A. What started out as an experiment has proven to work wonders. The letters, he says, become self-fulfilling prophecies.
"We think of the job of parenting," says Rosamund, "as one of helping children emerge into a world that is safe, cooperative and abundant, rather than teaching them to live out of reaction to a sense of threat or danger. So much in the way people have traditionally approached parenting has caused us to make children feel somehow wrong."
So how do you give an A in advance and provide a child with guidance at the same time?
Part of the assumption, says Rosamund, is that children want to learn the skills that will empower them to express themselves as unique people. She encourages parents to think of being "on track and off track" rather than right or wrong. "When a child does something off track, you help him see the possibilities for getting back on track again."
"We're not suggesting that children can do and know things without discipline and training," says Rosamund. "But it's their inborn emotional freedom and joy that allows them to learn. Children will accept discipline if they know what they're working for."
Benjamin says, "If a dad asks his son if he wants to go fishing the child is going to say, 'Yeah!' But if you tell your child in a stern voice, 'It's time for your music practice now,' he's going to reflect all the joy in it you're showing."
Zander says that when the youth orchestra he conducts sounds dull, he asks himself, "Who am I being that the players' eyes are not shining?"
"It's not a matter of asking how can I get my child to practice, but rather of asking yourself, 'If they're not enjoying the music, then maybe I'm being demanding, reprimanding, anxious, competitive."
Rosamund chimes in, "If parents are joyful and enthusiastic, the children get the reward of their parents' shining eyes."
The maestro pauses for a moment. "Another strategy, though, is to pay them to practice until they're really enjoying the music on their own."
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