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Page 1 of 5  Ever notice patterns in your relationships? Why do you keep having the same issues with different partners over and over? Here are several marriage experts who can tell you why. Harville Hendrix is the founder of the Imago Institute for Relationship Therapy.
 Watch this video as Hendrix explains the concept of Imago and why we choose who we choose to love.
For those of you who cannot watch videos, Rick Brown, who has over 20 years of experience in coaching and working with individuals, couples and families on marriage and intimacy issues explains what "Imago" is. Rick Brown: Imago is a Latin word meaning "image" and it refers to the fact that, as children, at a very early age, we create an image of the positive and negative traits of our parents. Later, this image or "imago" will be an important guide in the selection of a future partner. That is because we tend to choose partners who have the positive and negative traits of our parents. Success Television: How and why are people attracted to each other? Harville Hendrix video on Soulmates. Rick Brown: People are attracted to someone who has the positive and negative traits of their parents or caretakers, or whoever was responsible for raising them when they were very young. At first, this will feel very positive, because what they will be experiencing are the positive traits, often helped by something we call romantic love, where, in essence, a person sees only the positive traits of his/her partner. Eventually, romantic love will wear off, and people then begin to experience some of the negative traits that were always there, but which were covered over by romantic love.
Success Television: Are you saying that we consciously look for someone with the traits of our parents?
Rick Brown: We don't do it consciously, because if we were doing it consciously, every one of us would go after somebody who had positive traits. This is an unconscious process. For example, if you grew up with parents who were hard-working and kind, but perhaps one of them was emotionally distant, you'll be drawn to someone who is hard working and kind, and that will feel positive, but you will later experience frustration centered around the person being emotionally distant.
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