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Oral Sex for Women Self-Help Advice

Written by Dr. Marty Klein

Sex and love columnist Marty Klein, Ph.D. gives us the skinny on how to enjoy oral sex.

This week's topic is cunnilingus, pleasuring a woman's vulva with your mouth.

 
Advice
As with all sex, don't do anything if you don't want to.
There's no substitute for asking for feedback.
If you don't know if she's interested in oral sex, ask when you're not in bed. 
 
Although there are lots of slang names and funny stories about the practice, it's something that many, many people love. And since both parties frequently enjoy it equally, I don't usually talk about "giving" and "receiving" cunnilingus. I prefer discussing how people share it.

One of the best things about cunnilingus is that it's a kind of sex that requires neither an erection nor birth control. Many women say it's the best (or only) way for them to orgasm. It can, of course, be extremely intimate, and for people with chronic pain in their wrists, hips or elsewhere, it may be a particularly comfortable way to be sexual.

Another thing people like about oral sex is that it's a chance to stimulate the clitoris directly, which can create intense pleasure for one or both partners. And believe it or not, ladies, your partner probably enjoys your smell and taste, in some cases, wildly enjoys it. If your partner says this is true, believe it. Why else would s/he be so enthusiastic?

While some people who do the licking are quite proud of their technique, others feel uncertain or insecure. As with virtually all things sexual, the main trick is to ask your partner: What do you like? How, exactly, would you like me to do it? How can I tell when you're really enjoying it? Will you please tell me if you'd like it differently?

Another trick is to make sure you're comfortable when you start. A neck or knees that start out bent at a funny angle will soon ache and make you wish that your partner would hurry up and climax. A woman whose body is chilly while she's being nibbled will find it hard to let go and really enjoy the attention.

Many women shy away from cunnilingus. Why? Various women report that they feel self-conscious about their smell or taste, fear that their vulva is unattractive, feel pressure to orgasm quickly, don't like losing face-to-face intimacy, or simply don't believe their partner enjoys it too. This is a shame. You don't have to look like a model to taste good.

You and your partner can create plenty of intimacy with sounds and caresses. And most of us, male and female alike, could use some practice just lying back and sharing our body. It's hard to tune out that voice that says, "I'm being selfish, and my partner's bored," but good sex depends on it.

Never blow in the vagina, as this could cause medical problems. Other than that, pretty much anything goes; licking (every which way, varying the pressure), gentle sucking (very gentle), chewing (more gums than teeth), humming (deep notes are best), and the occasional finger for variety.

If your partner smells stronger than you'd like, get a warm, damp washcloth and prepare her shrine for worship. Thank her for the opportunity to serve her. She'll never forget it.

Marty Klein, Ph.D., is a licensed marriage counselor and sex therapist in Palo Alto, Calif. He has written for national magazines and appeared on many TV shows, including Donahue, Sally Jessy Raphael and Jenny Jones. You can read more about his books, tapes and appearances on his Web site, SexEd.org.